What If?
by BooRose
Summary: What if Janeway had married Mark? What if she gave up on him, but he didn't her? What if she started falling for someone else?
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: I don't own these characters, I just take them for long walks through my twisted mind. I am going to do more on this, I'm just trying to work out where to go from here, plus raise a baby and work, so forgive me if it takes a while to get more up! Enjoy and please leave reviews!

She'd never had to lay out a table for dinner before, Mark had always been the one to do that - along with the cooking. But here she was, without him, setting a table for her first dinner with her Commander. Kathryn Janeway had asked Chakotay yesterday if he would like to come to her quarters to eat, she didn't know what she was thinking, she had made a vow not to get too close to her crew. But technically, he wasn't really a part of her crew, even if she had made him First Officer, just over a week ago. He would be here soon, she had gone over things again and again, changed everything more then once - should there be candles, should she wear her uniform, hair up or down? She settled on no candles, but had the lights dimmed slightly, and thought it best to wear her uniform with her hair up in standard bun. Everything was set, why did she feel nervous? She thought about when he came aboard Voyager, in his Maquis uniform, how he had started taunting Tom Paris, she'd stepped closer to him, breathing him in, and something inside her stirred. She glanced at her bookcase, at her wedding photo. Her and Mark were so happy then, she couldn't believe that was almost a year ago, and now she'd never see him again.

Chakotay stood outside, his finger hovering over the door chime. He wasn't sure why the Captain had asked him to dinner, they talked about ship stuff either on the bridge or in her Ready Room, and he hadn't seen her socialise with any of the other crew. Taking a deep breath he pressed it. "Come in." The doors slide open and he stepped in. Kathryn was stood by the table, he was glad now that he'd decided to wear his uniform as well. "Captain."  
She smiled, "Chakotay, please, I've told, call me Kathryn." She motioned for him to sit down, which he dutifully did. "Now, you're a vegetarian?"  
"Yes." He answered, he'd told her yesterday when she'd asked him to dinner. She moved away from the table, to her replicator. Chakotay fidgeted in his chair, as he looked around. Her quarters were not so different to his, in size and furniture. The first thing he noticed was her bookcase, it was positioned in front of him, beside the door to her bedroom. It was mostly filled with books, of course, with trinkets and photos. One photo caught his eye, it was a full length picture of her in a wedding dress, he didn't even though she was married, but then why would he, he didn't know her. He study the picture, hearing her curse her replicator behind him, she was breathtaking. She had on a simple white dress that came down to the floor, her hair was long, down to waist and she was smiling like he had not seen before. The man beside her looked older then her, he had an arm wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly. Both of them looked so happy, something twanged inside him, was he jealous?

Kathryn stood in front of Chakotay, holding a tray of lasagna. "Chakotay?" She said, for the third time.  
When he jumped she had to smile, "Captain? Kathryn? Sorry, I didn't hear you." As she placed the tray on the table she looked over to where he'd been staring, but decided not to say anything unless he did. Which he did. "I didn't know you're married." He commented as he opened the bottle of wine which had been sat on the table.  
Slipping into her chair, Kathryn suddenly felt panicked, she didn't want to talk about her marriage, not really, not to him, after all, she was never going to see her husband again. "Yes, almost a year now." There, she didn't feel the need to elaborate anymore then that.  
Chakotay poured her a glass, then filled his. "You don't wear a ring." He made it sound almost as if it were nothing, making her feel more uncomfortable.  
"Starfleet don't really allow jewellery as part of their uniform. I keep it on a necklace, in my bedroom." She dished up their food, wishing this conversation would end, she said. "I made vegetable lasagna, I hope you like it."  
He smiled, "I'm sure it's just fine, thank you."  
Kathryn laughed a little. "You've never tried my cooking, or replicating." She was grinning as he took a mouthful. She watched as he chewed, slowly nodding his head. "Is it ok?"  
Chakotay swallowed, still nodding. "It's very nice, thank you." He took a sip of his drink. "Is there and reason you asked me to dinner, Cap- Kathryn?"  
What was her reason for inviting him to dinner? Lonely? Missed her husband and needed male company? That stirring feeling she had? The crews? What? "I... It was... I thought it'd be easier for the crews to bond, if their captain and commander are." Though that was one reason, she knew deep down it wasn't the first reason.  
He smiled at her, the first time he'd smiled at her, a real smile, she noticed he had dimples. He seem to get more handsome every time she saw him. When she walked out onto the bridge and he was sat in his chair beside hers, she couldn't help but eye him up. She felt guilty, she was a married woman - even if she was half way across the galaxy. Smiling back at him, Kathryn watched Chakotay eat, this was her life now, here in the Delta Quadrant. With this man at her side.


	2. Chapter 2

16 Months Later...

Kathryn shifted in her bed, it had been 16 months since the Caretaker had dragged them into the Delta Quadrant, she couldn't remember having a decent night sleep. But now everything had changed again, 20 days ago her and Commander Chakotay had said goodbye to Voyager, to their new family. It was heartbreaking, first being ripped away from her husband, never to see him again, now never to see her friends again. After contracting an illness from a planet, one they now called New Earth, the Doctor had been unsuccessful in finding a cure, leaving them no choice but to settle on the planet. Kathryn of course had continued to explore to find a cure with the help of the equipment left behind with them, she wasn't about to give up. She rolled to face the frosty room separator, he was on the other side in the main room, she wasn't sure if he went to bed late, or she early, but it seemed she was always the one to turn in first. She suspected it was the latter, to avoid the growing tension between them. Things hadn't been easy when he joined her crew, but they had grown closer, now she'd spend the rest of her life with just him. As she drifted off to sleep she thought about what that life would be like.

The sun shone brightly, Chakotay was making breakfast whilst Kathryn checked her insect traps. He had insisted on cooking since they made New Earth their home - since he started making it their home. Though he had not given up on returning to the Alpha Quadrant, he had accepted this was their home now, and was doing all he could to make things more comfortable for them both. One thing he wished he could do was build a bigger shelter, the Starfleet one they had was just big enough for both of them, the main room had two table, chairs, counter tops with other little bits, they had put out their personal effects to decorate, he had noticed that Kathryn's wedding picture wasn't out. The rest of the shelter consisted of two bedrooms, a bathroom and a small storage room. He laughed as he remembered when they were sorting through the shelter parts, he had commented on which way the boards should go, "beige or grey," Kathryn had remarked that she'd "always looked better in beige"

"What's so funny?"

Chakotay jumped at the sound of her voice, turning he saw her stood in the doorway. Since coming here he'd seen a completely different side to Kathryn, gone was the captains mask, along with her 'bun of steel'. She was someone else, more carefree, more relaxed. She wore her hair down, normally braided, seeing her in casual clothes was also a new thing for him. "Was just remember when our first day here, when we were going through our equipment."

She slid in to the chair at what had become her table, her laptop opened she began to tap away, smiling. "You mean polka dots and pinstripes?"

Dishing up their toast and scramble egg, Chakotay laughed, "If I recall, you were the one who suggested polka dots." He set the plate in front of her, taking his place beside her. Whilst they used the tables for their own projects, they always moved the chairs to one table to eat together.

Taking a mouthful Kathryn commented, "Chakotay, maybe I could cook one evening, you always do it."

"I enjoy it Kathryn, and I actually prefer my food not burnt." He laughed as she swatted him, then noticed her thumb was moving up and down her ring finger, carefully he said. "You know you can put it on." When she looked dumbfounded at him, he explained, "Your ring, we don't exactly have to dress to Starfleet regulations anymore."

Immediately her thumb stopped, she hadn't realised she was doing it. Her expression turned somber, "I'm so use to not wearing it, I guess that it's more comfortable with it off." Kathryn wasn't about to tell him that she'd hardly worn since she got married. Sensing the drop in her mood Chakotay quickly changed the subject, "I have something to show you, after breakfast. If you have a minute that is."

Kathryn's eyes widen, "Oh? Would be that thing you've been building in secret?"

Chakotay grinned. "Possibly."

=/\=

"Kathryn Janeway's personal log, Stardate 49690.1. Day twenty four of our stay on the planet we've named New Earth. As yet I've been unable to make any progress in finding a cure for our illness, but a soak in the tub Chakotay built always helps me focus on possible solutions."  
Kathryn rang the water out of her sponge as she stretched out. She couldn't believe Chakotay had taken the time to build her a bath, it had been a huge surprise for her, one that had left her speechless. He had built the pieces out in the woods, where he wouldn't have been caught, then assembled it where it now stood, on the edge of the clearing, just outside their shelter. She continued filling her sponge with water, and ringing it, whilst her mind worked. "Chakotay, are you there?" She called out to her companion.  
"No I left an hour ago!" His voice emerged from their shelter.  
Kathryn smiled and shook her head, she had asked for that. "I was thinking. Maybe looking for protein cofactors is the wrong approach. Even if I can't find a specimen of the insect that infected us, I could try to learn something about the bio-molecular evolution of this planet's ecosystem."  
"Can't hurt to give it a try!"  
Kathryn thought, her mind racing with ideas, she was about to call out again to him when a rustle In the trees startled her. "Chakotay!" She sat up, grabbing the towel off the bath side.  
His calm voice replied. "What?"  
"There's someone in the woods!" She stepped out of the bath, hoping that she'd have enough time to cover herself before he appeared. Wrapping the towel around her she looked towards where the noise had come from, a small black and white monkey sat on a branch. Chakotay quickly appeared beside her, phaser in one hand, switching his flashlight on, she pointed. "Over there. It looks like some kind of primate."  
Chakotays flashlight found the monkey, who, standing up, screeched at them. "I've detected primate life signs here, but I've never seen one." He informed Kathryn.  
Kathryn stepped toward the creature, holding one arm out in front of her, almost in a attempt to show they weren't hostile, the other gripping hold of her towel. "Hello. Are you hungry? Is that why you came here? I'm Kathryn, he's Chakotay." At the mention of his name, Kathryn felt his presence no longer behind her but now standing to her left. "We've had to move into your neighbourhood, but I hope we can be friends." The monkey chattered again, before moving off along the branch then deeper into the trees. Kathryn let her arm fall to her side, as she sighed. "Maybe he'll come back." Chakotay smiled as he asked. "Looking for a pet?"  
Kathryn rested both hands at the top of her towel, and laughed a little at his question. "No. Looking for a clue about primate physiology on this planet. They must have to contend with insect bites too." When she didn't get a reply, Kathryn looked up at Chakotay, he was staring down at her, she realised that the only thing she had on was the towel, and her shoulders and top of her chest was bare. She pulled the towel closer to her, snapping him out of his trace.  
"Excuse me." He said, before heading back into the shelter, leaving Kathryn feeling somewhat embarrassed.  
Kathryn watched him go, her cheeks hot with embarrassment. She'd been stood there that whole time in just a towel and had completely forgotten. Neither of them had seen any flesh of the other except for arms and legs, but this was made worse by the fact that she knew Chakotay cared about her, maybe more then he should. She quickly got herself dry, her hair having been pinned loosely up made it quicker, hanged her towel from a branch and put on her robe whilst following Chakotays footsteps back to the shelter. "Maybe we should be out looking for other primates. I might be missing something important." She spoke as she walked through the door.  
Chakotay, having put his phaser and flashlight back on the shelf, watched from the other side of the room as she sat and switched on her monitor. He folded his arms and let out a sign. "Kathryn," at the sound of her name, Kathryn looked at him. "the Doctor worked for weeks trying to find a treatment for this disease."  
"Yes?" Kathryn wasn't sure why he was telling her something she already knew.  
He starting walking towards her, "You've been at it twelve hours a day, seven days a week since we got here, and we're still no closer to a cure than we were the day we were infected." When he reached her, Chakotay rested his hands on the table.  
"I'm not sure what you're getting at." Maybe it was the situation that happened outside, or her stubborn unwillingness to see what he was trying to say, but Kathryn's mind drew a blank on his words.  
Chakotay let out a frustrated sign, "My people have a saying. Even the eagle must know when to sleep. Maybe it's time we both considered that."  
She answered as soon as he finished, not letting what he had said have time to settle. "You mean quit, give up?"  
He glanced away from her, thinking. As much as he loved her stubbornness and determination, it also had the ability to drive him mad. "Why do you have to see it as defeat? Maybe it's simply accepting what life has dealt us, finding the good in it." He spoke calmly, losing his temper wasn't going to change her mind, or make things any better, after all, he was stuck on this planet with her.  
She looked away from him briefly, her head shaking ever so slightly. Looking back up at him, she said "There may be a day when I'll come to that, Chakotay, but, I'm a long way from it right now. I need to keep looking."  
Chakotay knew there was nothing else he could say to change her mind, there was no point in pressing the matter, she'd have to except it in her own time. He smiled at her, giving her a little wink, before turning and heading back to his table. He sat and watched her, she had hidden her face with one hand, tapping at her monitor, avoiding him. After a moment he spoke her name "Kathryn."  
She almost jumped at the sound, thinking that their conversation was over and she wouldn't have to talk to him until she bid him goodnight. "Yes?"  
Chakotay shifted in his chair, he wasn't sure why he was about to ask her this question, but he couldn't just leave things how they were. "Do you remember, not long after we arrived in the delta quadrant, we were walking through engineering, I asked you a question?"  
Kathryn rested her hands on the table in front of her, and smiled slightly. "Yes. You asked if our situations had been reversed, would I have served under you."  
Chakotay nodded, also smiling at the memory. "You replied that the best thing about being captain is that you could keep somethings to yourself."  
Kathryn chuckled at where this was going. "You want to know what my answer would have been, since I'm no longer captain?"  
A grin spread across Chakotays face, "you got it."  
"Well let's see, my ship would have clearly been destroyed, I would have to give up my rank of captain to whatever you saw fit to give me, I'd have nowhere else to go," Kathryn stopped when she saw the look of disbelief on Chakotays face, she'd meant it to be joke. Her tone softened. "Of course I would have done, Chakotay. Not because I would _have_ to, but because I would have _wanted_ to. I would have served under you -" "Beside me." He interrupted. "You would have served beside me as my second in command"  
Kathryn's smile got bigger. "Ok then, I would have served beside you as finely as you have me. And it would have been an honour to do so."  
"It's been an honour to serve beside you Kathryn." Chakotay replied. Now the tension had dissipated they fell into a comfortable silence, each grateful for having the other in their lives.


	3. Chapter 21

Chakotay stepped out the shelter, the sun shone brightly down, just as it had done since they arrived on New Earth. He held the picnic basket in one hand as he pushed the door shut with the other, looking around. He couldn't see Kathryn, he knew she wasn't checking traps, she had done that this morning and she always told him when she left. This time she had picked up a book and said she was going to sit outside to read.

"Kathryn." He called out, when he got no answer he started walking around the shelter, surprised when he came across her stretched out on the grass behind it. He stopped, taking in the rare sight of her not being the captain, or the scientist, not being on guard, but of her being relaxed, being her. Being Kathryn. It was something that was becoming more frequent, she was working on it, he could tell. Right now, she was laid out on her front, her legs bent up, her feet bare, her pale blue dress bunch at her knees. She had a large summer hat on, a book in her hands, totally oblivious to the man stood behind her. She literally took his breath away, he struggled to get her name out. "Kathryn."

She looked over her shoulder back at him and smile. "Chakotay, I didn't hear you." She put her marker in the book then stood up to face him, brushing down her dress as she did.

Chakotay smiled back at her, "I thought you might like to have lunch by the river." He indicated to the picnic basket.

Kathryn looked slightly surprised. "Is it lunch time already?" She held the book in her hands, keeping it close to her.

Chakotay nodded. "You've been out here all morning. Good book?"

Her mood changed, he sensed it. "You could say that. Let me just put it inside then we can go."

After she had put it back inside the shelter they took the five minute walk to the river, they had discovered not long after arriving on the planet, and when they had made sure it was safe, both replicated swimming attire to enjoy a much needed dip to cool of from the heat. They also decided it was best to keep their swim wear and towels by the river in 'their spot' as they did not require them back at the shelter.

They had finishing eating their lunch- a salad of various fruits, cheese and yogurt - over an hour ago. Chakotay had even been kind enough to pack her a flask of coffee, and were now sat on the blanket that he'd brought. They had been somewhat slight during the meal, he'd asked her about her book - Wuthering Heights she told him - she'd asked if he was planning on making anything else for the shelter - possibly he told her.

Chakotay broke the silence. "You can talk about him, you know, if it helps." He watched as she froze, her cup inches away from her mouth.

She took a sip, then another, contemplating what he had just said, but her answer came as no surprise. "Thank you Chakotay. But really, I'm fine."

"Kathryn, I know we've been on this planet for a while now, but you've been through a lot since we got in the Delta Quadrant. You've been ripped away from your husband, not once, but twice now." He continued studying her as she looked out to the river, her small hands wrapped around the cup, resting it on her lap, her jaw set tight as his words hit home.

Slowly turning her head, Kathryn stared into his brown eyes. "To be honest, I haven't really thought about Mark much. We were always busy on Voyager, and now..." She looked away from him, the sentence didn't need to be spoken now she had no hope of seeing him again.

Chakotay suddenly jumped up, startling Kathryn. "Join me for a swim." He put his hand out toward her, she smiled as she took hold of it.

"Of course." She answered putting her cup aside as he helped her up. They had their towels hanging on two different trees, opposite each other, so each had privacy but were still in sight of the other, should anything happen. After they'd changed, Kathryn pulling her hair into a loose bun, both swam out into the river. It was calm, it was always calm, they hadn't seen a single storm of any kind since arriving, so the river was always peaceful and still.

A few hours later, still floating in the river, both heard a shrieking noise coming from the shore. Looking to where their stuff was, they saw the monkey sat on the grass. Chakotay laughed, "I hope he doesn't run off with our clothes."

Kathryn smiled. "Wouldn't be the first time someone's done that to me, apart from I didn't have a bathing suit on..."

Chakotay eyed her. "Oh?"

Feeling her cheeks get hot, she replied. "Maybe later, let's head back, it'll be time for you to cook me dinner soon."

Chakotay watched as she swam back, mouth slightly open, he hadn't thought Kathryn was the type to go skinny dipping. _How she continues to surprise me_ he thought, swimming behind her.

=/\=

They sat with empty plates in front of them, Kathryn had chosen tonight's meal and helped Chakotay prepare it as best as she could - drinking a coffee whilst staying out of his way but telling him what to do as it was her sisters recipe. Potato, carrots, mushrooms, onion fried with ginger powder, Chakotay loved it as much as Kathryn did after the first bite.

"Have you checked your traps today?" He asked, she normally checked them every day.

She shook her head, "No, I'm going to look at them tomorrow. I've got something I'm working on, see if I can actually catch something."

He watched her drink her coffee, he knew she had an addiction to the stuff, but since living with her he'd learned how bad it was, this was her 4 cup that he knew about. But he mind was wondering back to what she'd said earlier. "So, Kathryn, going to tell me that story now?" She raised a questioning eyebrow at him, he clarified. "About having no clothes left when out swimming."

She shifted, kicking herself for letting that slip out. "We were at the academy, five of us went out late one night to the Utopia Lake for a swim." Chakotay nodded. The Utopia Lake was man made, part of Starfleet Academy so they could do water sports on it. Only a five minute walk from campus it was unheard of, cadets sneaking out for late night dips. "We got there," Kathryn continued, "and one of the guys decided he was going to jump straight in, naked." A grin appeared on her face at the memory. "Then dared the rest of us to do it. The other guy with us, John, said he wasn't going in, I can't remember what reason he gave, but anyway, the other two girls jumped in, leaving me."

Chakotay was grinning as much as Kathryn. "And you decided the Starfleet thing to do was jump in as well?"

Kathryn shot him a glare. "Well I wasn't going to just stand there, I didn't particularly like John, so yes. I stripped down and jump in after them. Only ten minutes into our swim, we realised that John was no longer sat on the rock where we left him and all our stuff had gone."

Chakotay had to laugh, he had always thought of Kathryn being the stereo Starfleet type, even before she was in Starfleet and worked her way through the ranks. "So, what did you do?"

"The only thing we could do, we ran as fast as we could back to the campus and to our dorms. John gave our stuff back the next day, he was the only one at the time we found it funny."

Still laughing, Chakotay said. "I guess you were lucky they weren't doing any night excerises." At Kathryn's Death Glare, Chakotay was unable to breath through laughing.

"Very funny mister." Came her deadpan reply. "And I suppose you were a model cadet?"

Still chuckling, Chakotay answered. "I'll tell you a story another time." He stood and picked up the plates taking them to the little sink they had.

Kathryn took this as a chance to ask him something that had been bugging her since their first meal together in the Delta Quadrant. "Chakotay, the first meal we had, on Voyager, you told me it was very nice. But then after that you insisted on bringing a meal, if I was hosting dinner, you said it was only fair."

Cup of tea in his hands, Chakotay took his seat opposite her. "Hmmm, to be honest it was a bit bland. I was just trying to get out of eating your cooking. Like you've said yourself, you're not the best cook."

Kathryn's mouth fell slightly open. "I knew it. And you were so nice about it, and sat there and ate it." She sighed. "You know you could have just told me."

"Who knows how long I would have ended up in the brig for insulting the Captains cooking." His dimple smile broke through. "You know, if you want to learn to cook, I can teach you."

Kathryn's own smile widened. "Really, you'd do that?"

Chakotay sat smiling to himself for a moment before saying. "If it means you can cook me something edible, then yes."

She lent over and swatted him on his arm.


End file.
